


it’s the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)

by tea_the_turtleduck



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AI Apocalypse, AI Apocalypse AU, End of the world scenario, F/F, The Stone Gods AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 09:04:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14132757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tea_the_turtleduck/pseuds/tea_the_turtleduck
Summary: Yet another AI apocalypse AU. Clarke is a doctor, Lexa is a robo sapiens. They fall in love against all odds in the backdrop of a dying world.--Clarke catches Lexa’s hand and presses it firmly against her cheek, leaning into it as she flutters her eyes closed. “This isn’t possible,” she croaks out, her voice breaking at the last syllable.“It is. I feel the same way, Clarke.”“That’s not possible,” Clarke shakes her head.The hand presses against Clarke’s cheek held her still. It is all the warning she has before she feels soft lips pressing against her own. Instinctively, she presses harder, basking at the contact, at the surprising warmth and softness, and how her entire body just felt so alive, like all this time she was just living a half-life and now, she can finally begin to live for real.Clarke breaks off the kiss with a gasp. Her eyes flutter open to find Lexa looking at her.“If it is you and I, anything is possible.”





	it’s the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)

**Author's Note:**

> So fair warning, this is my first time writing a fic (disregarding one or two drabbles) in three years. It's also unbeta'd but I did do my best to make it passably readable. Anyway, this is a mish-mash of futuristic/apocalyptic shows/movies/books, but mainly drawing from Winterson's The Stone Gods--which I highly recommend. All right, that's it, hope you guys have fun. Well, as much fun as anyone can have reading about a dying planet. Cheers.

Bright streamers in shades of blue festoon every establishment on sight. Holographic globular lanterns hang from every lamppost, glowing blue light. Images of swirling blue and white with hints of green and brown fill the smart-skins of the buildings. The sun has yet to set but fireworks are already setting off, forming various circular patterns.

All around, it is a garish nightmare, a stimuli overload if you ask Clarke. She would love to look away but this jubilant celebration was everywhere, filling up every billboard, every screen, every surface that can possibly broadcast it.

They are all celebrating one thing: the return of the space shuttle, Columbus 2.0, coming home victorious after finishing the preliminary assessment of the new planet that would house humankind.

A planet just for Goldilocks. A brave new world. A new home.

The sight of the blue world strikes something inside Clarke and she can’t help but feel a sort of wistfulness for it.

She shakes off the feeling and puts on her sunglasses instead. It’s a poor attempt to lessen the brightness of her surroundings but Clarke would take it over nothing. All this on top of another mind-numbing shift at Enhancement is more than Clarke could deal with today. And yet, there is something that can still save this day.

She is standing on the curb, waiting for her blue Solo—a single-seater solar-powered transport vehicle—to glide its way towards her. As she waits, she puts in her earbud to check for messages.

“Any new calls?”

The screens change from the images of the blue world to that of the astronauts who were part of the mission. Clarke knows some of them, and one face in particular makes her smile.

“One call from Raven Reyes ten minutes ago,” comes the disembodied voice in her earbud before switching to her friend’s voice. “‘Hey babe, did you get to see my beautiful face on the screen yet? Well, it’s even more devastatingly gorgeous in person. Waiting for you in the lobby, already told ‘em you’re coming to see me. All right, see ya!’” Then the standard robotic voice takes over. “End message.”

Clarke chuckles at Raven’s antics. The prospect of seeing Raven again after her month-long space mission is already making her day better. Her earbud beeps, indicating another message.

“One email from Octavia Blake: ‘Hey Clarke! We still on for the weekend, right? I’ll swing by around 7 to give you plenty of time to set me up a feast. Kidding! Actually no, not really, you know how much I’d like to eat. Anyway see ya, bitches!’ End message.”

Clarke shakes her head in amusement. It has been a while since she saw Octavia and this upcoming dinner would probably be the last they’d have together in a while. It’s with a bittersweet pang that she looks forward to the weekend.

Her earbud beeps again. “One email from Arkadia Daily: The Homecoming of Columbus 2.0—Another Brilliant Aeronautical Success for Arkadia!”

“Trash.”

“One email from Murphy’s Truthsayer: It’s the AI Apocalypse! Arkadia building a super-robot to rule mankind!”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “Trash.”

Her Solo slows to a stop in front of her.

“The Ark Space Center,” said Clarke, as she settles inside.

“Destination: the Ark Space Center, estimated arrival in ten minutes,” her Solo replies in turn.

Clarke leans back into her seat as the scenery around her changes. The road to the Space Center leads to one of the more scenic route—unsurprising since the Center requires a huge area for its launches. As a consequence, the road to it has the view of the horizon: the clear expanse of land and at the edge of it, the artificial sea blurring into the not-quite-artificial sky. She removes her sunglasses to watch the sky turn into shades of rose-gold as the sun begun to set. The sight is still so beautiful even as it makes Clarke’s heart ache with longing.

Sunsets are always brief now and soon, the sun dips beyond sight. Darkness is falling and soon there isn’t much to see beyond the city lights and Clarke has had her fill of those.

In the olden times, stars could be seen in the night sky, her father used to tell her.

But that was a long time ago, back when they hadn’t burned the atmosphere to the point that they had to patch together what they could to what remained of it to survive.

Clarke closes her eyes, willing herself to be lost in the dark.

*

“Clarke! You finally made it!” Raven, still in her silver spacesuit, bounds over to Clarke. Without missing a beat, Raven wraps her arms around Clarke, lifting her up and whirling her around.

“Put me down, Reyes!”

“Aw, what? After a month in zero-gravity, I just want to feel the weight of my world in my arms again!”

Clarke makes a noise of disgust to which Raven just laughs.

When Raven finally puts her down, Clarke pushes against Raven’s shoulder to create enough distance for her to breathe.

“Screw you, Raven,” Clarke wheezes out.

“Gladly!”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “A month in space got you horny?”

“Clarke!” Raven exclaims, faux-offended. “I’m _always_ horny.” Then, she continues loudly, “There wasn’t much choice out there and I’m not willing to lower my standards.”

“Hey!” squawked somebody from the group wearing similar spacesuits near the entrance. “As if anyone of us would want to fuck you, Reyes!”

“But like, anyone would want to fuck you, eh, Jasper?”

“What, of course! Hell, _I’d_ fuck me!” Jasper blusters. Then as his words sank in, he flushes crimson and starts sputtering. “T-That’s not what I meant—”

Raven cackles. “I’m sure that’s exactly what you meant, because, well, that’s exactly what I caught you doing a week ago.”

“T-That’s not…” Jasper sputters helplessly. He turns to the guy beside him. “Monty, help me out here!”

“Shouldn’t have engaged her, Jasper. You know you can’t win.”

“What, whose side are you on?”

“Raven’s, always,” replies Monty, making the group laugh harder as Jasper looks put out.

“Love ya, Monty!” Raven laughs.

“You guys are assholes,” Jasper crosses his arms over his chest, sulking.

“Give Jasper a break, Rae.” Clarke finally cuts in, a small smile playing at her lips at their antics.

Jasper brightens. “Hear that! At least Clarke loves me!”

“Well I wouldn’t go as far as saying that.”

“Not you too!” Jasper cries out, which starts off another round of laughter.

“Hey Clarke,” Monty greets as he walks over to her, Jasper following at his heels. Monty wraps Clarke in a warm hug.

“Lookin’ good, Griff,” says Jasper when Monty lets her go. He raises his hand for a high-five which Clarke gamely gives.

“Hey Monty, hey Jasper.”

“You joining us for the welcoming party later? It’s at that bar up Twenty-Fifth, the Andromeda. They’ve got the meanest alcoholic concoctions guaranteed to burn your insides!”

“Uh no thanks, I’d rather keep my insides intact.”

“Aw, you know that’s not what I meant! The whole gang’s gonna be there. We miss you, Clarke.”

“Sorry, Jas,” Clarke gives a small placating smile. “I just had a long day. Maybe next time?”

“You keep saying that but—oof!”

Monty pulls back his arm from Jasper’s belly. “It’s all right, Clarke,” he says, his smile genuine. “Just hit us up when you feel like hanging out.”

“Thanks, Monty.”

“Well, as much as I’m loving this touching reunion,” Raven cuts in, putting her arm around Clarke’s shoulder. “I have to take Clarke away from you losers to show her my goods.” She punctuated her sentence with a sloppy kiss to Clarke’s temple, making Clarke wince.

“Ew, Raven!” Jasper makes a face. “We don’t need to know that!”

Raven just laughs while Clarke rolls her eyes. They part their ways after a round of goodbyes.

“Do I even have the clearance for it?” Clarke asks.

“Baby, _I’m_ your clearance.” Clarke chuckles at Raven’s bravado. Then, when they are out of earshot, Raven says softly. “He’s right, you know?”

“Who? About what?”

“Jasper. They miss you, Clarke.”

Clarke is silent for a beat before replying. “Yeah well work has been keeping me busy. I have to do my rounds every day.”

Raven looks like she doesn’t believe her but she must have seen something in Clarke’s face that keeps her from pursuing the topic. They walk in silence for a minute before Raven slows to a stop. The corridor forked into three paths.

Raven jerks her head towards the brightly-lit inner chamber on her left. “Come on, I’ll show you the goods.”

Clarke puts a hand on Raven’s arm. “Wait, have you had your check-up yet?”

“It’s scheduled for later,” Raven waves her hand dismissively. “First, I want to show you the babe that got us through _fifty_ lightyears—”

“Raven,” Clarke cuts in, a mixture of warning and plea in her voice.

“This was just a short mission.” When Clarke just holds her gaze, Raven sighs. “It’s been three years, Clarke. I’m good. I’m fixed, all right? I’ve taken every fucking test, gone through every assessment, and I was cleared for every single one.” She softens. “Abby did a fantastic job. _You_ did a fantastic job.”

“That’s not what I want to hear,” says Clarke, though she feels her heart constrict at the words. “Raven, I know you’re sick and tired of all these tests but you know as well as I do the importance of regular check-ups. You do it for your machines. Please do it for yourself too.”

“Well these machines cost trillions, so those checks are warranted.”

“And you’re worth even more than that to me.”

It was Raven’s turn to get teary-eyed. She covers it with a laugh. “Keep it in your pants, Griffin.” Then softly, “For the record, I wish it was still you that tended to me.”

Clarke’s expression dims. “You know I’m no good anymore.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it.” Raven adds in a low voice. “I wish you’d talk to me, Clarke. If this is about that incident three years ago—”

“There’s nothing to tell, Raven, so drop it,” Clarke cuts in, a note of finality in her voice. “Medical bay?”

Taking the hint, Raven lets out an aggrieved sigh. “If you insist.”

“Check-up first then you can show me your babies.”

“You’ll stick around?” asks Raven hopefully.

“Well I suppose I can make an exception for you.”

“Babe, you just confessed your undying love for me like a minute ago.”

“That’s quite a delusion of grandeur.”

“That’s not a denial.”

“And not a confirmation either.” They start walking back to the lobby and towards the medical bay in the Center, located on the west wing. When they were outside the bay, Clarke jerks her thumb towards the direction of the viewing gallery. “I’ll wait for you there.”

“You don’t want to come inside?”

Clarke shakes her head. “I’d rather not. See you later, Rae.”

As Clarke was walking towards the gallery, her earbud starts beeping. “New appointment set for Tuesday, 2pm.”

Clarke frowns. “What appointment?”

“Appointment with Vice-Chancellor Marcus Kane at Arkadia Central, Tuesday, 2pm.”

“Did he say what’s it about?” Clarke feels panic rising in her chest but manages to keep her voice level.

“New project with Arkadia Technological Institute.” Relief floods through Clarke but in its wake was confusion. “New project? Did he give any more details?”

“No additional details given.”

“Fuck.” Clarke runs her hand down her face. “Okay, thanks.”

Clarke was staring blankly at the new space shuttle being assembled on the other side of the viewing gallery when Raven found her twenty minutes later.

“Clarke!”

Clarke jolts out of her thoughts. “Raven!” Recovering herself, she asks, “How did the check-up go?”

“Flawless as usual, unsurprising since it’s me we’re talking about.” Clarke just gives her a look. Raven rolls her eyes. “I’m still in tip-top shape.” Then sensing something, she asks, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Kane just set up an appointment with me next week.”

Raven’s eyebrows were raised nearly to her hairline. “The Vice-Chancellor himself? Did he say what it’s about?”

Clarke shakes her head. “Just that it’s for a new project with ATI.”

“Wait, that’s my old turf and I haven’t heard any new openings there. Let me check again.” Raven takes out her Omni, the phone that does everything, and fiddles with it for a bit. “Yeah there’s nothing there that they’d need someone from Enhancement for.” She pauses. “But there is some new project over at the Robotics Department.”

“Do you think this has something to do with that?”

“I don’t know, Clarke. Maybe. I’ll check with my old pals over there.”

“Thanks, Rae.”

“All right, let’s put that aside for now and get to my babies.”

Clarke can’t help but smile at Raven’s enthusiasm. It was so infectious that even though Clarke knows next to nothing about mechanical engineering, she is still buoyed by her excitement. “Lead the way, Reyes.”

Raven first led her to the space shuttle they used to travel the fifty lightyears to get to the new planet, a sleeker, more streamlined version of their usual disc-shaped ships with solar sails. It was smaller than Clarke expected, to which Raven explained that the smaller mass meant they could go further. There is a proud gleam in Raven’s eyes as she spoke, and that, coupled with the tender way she patted the curved edge of the ship, tells Clarke enough of the role her friend played in designing and creating the vehicle.

She goes on to showcase the new space shuttle that Clarke had been staring blankly at, the Columbus 3.0. It’s the one that is going to conduct the ground analysis of the new planet.

“So far all we did was take pictures of it from afar. But this baby is going to land us there and we’ll have more definite data on the conditions of the planet.”

“When is it scheduled to launch?”

“No word yet. We’re waiting for some new bot to take with us who will do the actual groundwork.” Raven pauses. “Hey, maybe that’s what the Robotics are working on.”

“A robot?”

Raven shrugs. “Yeah, a new rover probably.”

“That still doesn’t explain why Kane would want me there.”

“Clarke, we’re not even sure if it’s that. Maybe there’s some hush-hush project that needs your loving touch.”

Clarke knows Raven means nothing by it but she still couldn’t help but flinch. Fortunately, Raven doesn’t notice.

“So we’re still on for the weekend?” Raven asks as they make their way back to the lobby.

“Yes. Octavia left a mail earlier, says she’s excited to see us.”

“Bitch she better be. You heading home?”

“Yeah, I’m exhausted. You still going to the party?”

“Duh, of course. I just might get some later.” Raven waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

Clarke chuckles. “Be safe.”

“You too, babe.”

*

The moment Clarke opens the door, lights come on. She’s finally home and it’s only here that she feels some semblance of peace. Sometimes she wonders if it’s because her house is a relic of the past, same as the Farm where it stood. Nowhere else on Earth can anyone find a house like hers with wooden beams and marble countertops. Sure, there were synthetic materials made to look like wood or granite or marble, but none that were real like Clarke’s.

To be honest, keeping the house and the Farm was costing her a lot and it is only through her mom’s connections that she’s barely managing to keep it. Clarke hates it but she’s willing to swallow her pride to keep what her dad had worked all his life acquiring.

The Farm is leased to the Living Museum, which means that on some weekends, an educational tour is scheduled and some youngsters have a glimpse of the world a long time ago, a world that has verdant greenery and live animals wandering through it. It is a twenty-hectare bio-dome world, its seasons carefully programmed and followed to ensure that life goes on. In that aspect, it is similar to the world they’re living in, Earth and its patched-up atmosphere.

But that’s where the similarity ends, Clarke thinks.

She puts down her bag on the counter, rolling out the kinks off her shoulders.

“Dad?” she calls out.

“Hey there, sweetheart.” There is Jake, sitting on the sofa, smiling. “How was your day?”

“Met up with Raven earlier. She just came back from the space mission I told you about.” Clarke goes to the fridge and starts rooting for something to eat.

“The one for the new planet?”

“Yes, that one.” Clarke finally settles on her leftovers from last night. She sighs before popping it into the microwave. “It looks like the exodus will be in the next few years. Raven says the next mission’s gonna be for ground analysis, to gather concrete data on viability.”

“That sounds very exciting.” Jake pauses. “But you’re not excited.”

Clarke gives a small smile. “I am, in a way. But mostly, I just feel… I don’t know how I feel,” she finally admits.

“That’s all right, sweetheart.”

Clarke scratches her temple. “Everyone is just so excited about it. But to me, it just feels like history repeating.” She laughs mirthlessly. “I’m actually afraid for the planet, of what we could do to it. And now I’m starting to sound like those doomsday preachers.”

“No you don’t, sweetheart. You simply sound like somebody who cares a lot.”

“Maybe I care too much?”

“You care just right. Sometimes we get caught up in all these advances in technology, these things that are meant to make life better that we forget how to really live and take care of one another.”

“How do we solve that, dad? Is it something that can still be solved?”

Jake just smiles. “Follow your heart, darling. It will never lead you astray.”

Clarke stares at him a moment. Then a quiet laugh bubbles out of her. “That’s… that’s not exactly helpful at all.”

Jake looks at her questioningly. “Is it not something I would have said?”

Clarke shakes her head. “No, that’s exactly what you would have said.”

The microwave counter dings and Clarke takes out her dinner.

“Good night, dad,” she says before going up to her room.

“Good night, sweetheart.”

*

“That smells amazing! What’s that, Clarke?”

“It’s beef brisket.” Clarke smiles, laying down the dish on the table, alongside the roast chicken, caesar salad and some homemade potato chips.

Octavia inhales her food like a human vacuum cleaner.

“The food at the Academy sucked, huh?”

“The food anywhere but here sucks, Rae, you know that. It’s only at the Farm now that we get to eat real meat and not those pills and bars and synthetic fruits, ugh.”

“Keeps you alive and healthy though, don’t they?”

Octavia scoffs. “Like what you space guys eat out there is any better.”

“Never said it was.” She eats a piece of beef. “Oh my god, Clarke,” she moans, “marry me.”

“Ugh, Rae, keep your sexually explicit noises out of here.”

“Joke’s on you, Blake, those are the only type of noises I make.”

“I wish I could refute that,” Octavia mutters. She continues devouring the food spread out on the table.

“Congratulations on graduating with honors from the Academy, O. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the ceremony.”

Octavia waves away her apology. “It’s nothing, Clarke. I mean, I wished _I_ didn’t have to attend.”

“I’d apologize but I was in space, making landmark history in discovering new planets, no big deal.”

“Shut up, Rae.” Octavia throws a chip at her.

Raven catches the chip with her mouth then chews it victoriously, making Octavia roll her eyes. “Did your brother go?”

“Yeah, just long enough to pin my medal and then he got called away, some skirmish at the border.”

“Things seem to be heating up again with the Grounders. Saw it on the news earlier. Seems like they’re gearing up for something. I hope we get to evacuate this planet soon before they blow us up.”

“ _We’re_ blowing each other up.” Clarke looks up when she notices Raven and Octavia fall silent. She flushes. “Sorry that just came out.”

“Nah you’re right, Clarke,” Raven assures her. “We are giving as good as we’re getting. Just be careful saying those things, though. I’ve heard rumors that Pike and his people are on the lookout for anything seditious.”

Octavia rolls her eyes again. “They’re getting paranoid.”

“Well the City Police needs something to do, don’t they?” Then Raven turns to Octavia. “Wasn’t he from the Army before?”

Octavia nods. “Yeah he was on the same unit with my brother but Pike got reassigned after he went berserk on a mission.”

“You’d have thought they’d put him somewhere where no firearms are involved.”

“I heard he’s got suction with Jaha,” says Clarke helpfully.

Raven sighs. “So now we have a timebomb making his rounds ensuring peace and safety in the city. What a joke.”

“Careful Rae, that’s sounding pretty seditious,” Octavia says half-mocking, half-warningly.

“Well this is a safe place. No bots and no AIs to rat us out, right, Clarke?”

Clarke pauses from eating. She takes a breath before answering, “No one to rat us out.”

Raven’s eyes quickly cut to Clarke but nothing in Clarke’s expression gives her away.

Clarke can feel Raven’s eyes on her. She turns her attention back to her food. “Anyway, I hope this war ends soon.”

Octavia fiddles with her utensils. “That’s, uh, that’s actually something I have to tell you guys.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m leaving with my new unit on Monday. We’re being sent to the Le Guin Pass.”

“What? That’s insane!”

“But you just graduated!”

“It’s supposed to be just a precautionary measure. There’s no fighting there yet. We just have to make sure that the enemy doesn’t take it.”

“So it’s a prime target?” Clarke frowns.

“The brief said it’s low-risk so nothing probably will happen.”

“What does your brother say about this?” Raven asks.

“He wants to be transferred to my unit but you know the processing takes time.” Octavia gives a small smile. “He’s losing his mind.”

“He’s always losing his mind,” Raven scoffs.

“Yeah, exactly. Anyway, I don’t want him there. All my life I’ve been living in his shadow and now I can finally be free of it.”

“But this is more than that, O.” Clarke reaches over to touch Octavia’s hand. “This could mean life-or-death.”

“It’s not, Clarke.” Octavia flips her hand over palm-up to grasp Clarke’s. She smiles reassuringly. “I’m sure the chiefs aren’t going to send fresh meat to a slaughterhouse.”

“But O—”

“Raven, I don’t want to spend my last dinner with you guys in a while bickering over this. I’ll be fine, I’ll be safe.” She takes another deep breath before leaning over. “So Rae, what can you tell us about the new planet?”

“It’s blue and it’s 90% water.”

Octavia and Clarke wait patiently. When nothing else seems to be forthcoming, Octavia prompts, “And?”

“That’s it.”

“That’s it? Don’t you have any more top-secret info about the planet? You’re like our inside person in the space mission. Surely you know more than its color and composition?”

“Hey, I leave the new planet for the astro-bios to cream themselves over,” says Raven defensively. “What I’m here for are my mechanical babies. Ask me about space shuttles and you’ll be gorging on a feast of details!”

“But that’s like a feast of those nutri-pills,” Octavia groans. “News about the new planet is like a feast that Clarke prepares.”

Raven shakes her head, muttering, “Neanderthal.”

“What did you say?” Octavia was already rising from her seat.

“Come on, you guys. No fighting.” Clarke sighs but she couldn’t keep the affection out of her tone. This was a familiar tableau and it was nice to have it before they went their separate ways again. She watches as Raven continues taunting Octavia, who in turns threatens bodily harm.

They finish eating then start clearing up the dishes. Just as they have put away the last of the kitchenware, Octavia’s phone beeps.

“Oops, sorry guys, I gotta head back. Some last-minute checks before our mission. How about you, Rae?”

“Yeah I’ll go with you. I’ve got some lab work to finish for the Columbus 3.0.” Raven turns to Clarke to hug her. “Thanks for hosting us, Clarke.”

“You guys are always welcome.”

Octavia steps in when Raven lets Clarke go. She wraps her arms around Clarke. “Thanks so much for this, Clarke,” Octavia whispers, holding Clarke tighter. “I know how much my decisions go against what you believe in.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, O,” Clarke whispers back. “You will always matter more to me.”

“Sap,” Octavia teases as she steps back, her eyes bright with something that didn’t need to be said.

Clarke watches as Raven and Octavia get into their Solos and make their drive back to the city. The distant city lights glimmer in the distance and for a moment, Clarke wonders if that’s how the stars looked up in the sky.

*

Clarke could count with her one hand the number of times she had walked into the main building of Arkadia Central. The building was designed to resemble the older models of a spaceship, which Clarke had always secretly thought resembles a missile. Which may have been a contributing factor to the unease that she’s feeling as she takes the elevator up to the eighteenth floor.

But that’s not really the reason, as the memory of the last time she was here rises to the surface. She takes a deep breath, willing herself to tamp down the memory. It’s been three years and Kane did mention that this was about a robotics project, and not about—

Clarke stands before the polished doors and waits for the scan. “Identity verified: Clarke Griffin,” came the voice confirmation. The doors swing open.

“Clarke, come in!” greets Kane as he stands up from his seat to receive her. He goes around the table located near the tall windows overlooking the city and meets Clarke halfway into the room.

“Vice-Chancellor,” Clarke greets in return, shaking Kane’s proffered hand.

“Come, seat,” Kane gestures to the other chair by the table.

“Thank you.” Clarke takes her seat as Kane takes his on the other side.

Now that she can look at Kane closely, Clarke notices that there are bags under his eyes, even more pronounced now than they were three years ago. She definitely doesn’t envy him in his position; in the last few years, the conflict with the people living outside Arkadia had escalated into a full-fledged war. Not to mention that despite the regular assurances from Media Services that all is well in the world, the already limited natural resources are dwindling at an alarming rate, carbon dioxide has finally reached five hundred and fifty parts per million, the ice caps have melted.

In short, the planet they’re living in, Earth, is dying.

And it makes complete sense, the almost manic focus the government has put into the space missions. Raven’s glorying in it as the Golden Age of Space Exploration.

‘More like the Golden Age of Human Desperation,’ Clarke thinks to herself.

All this Clarke knows working in Enhancement Services. That’s the upside to her job: she knows the truth. And the downside to her job is: she knows the truth.

“It’s been a while since we last saw each other.”

Three years, but Clarke isn’t going to bring that up. “Yes.”

“How is Abby?”

“She’s doing fine, last I heard.” Clarke neglects to say that deduces that only through the monthly payments her mom makes to help keep the Farm. She hasn’t seen her mom in three years and she knows it’s mostly her fault. But again, Kane doesn’t need to know that.

“Good, good,” says Kane distractedly.

Clarke waits patiently for him to run out of niceties and get down to business.

“You used to be a doctor before working for Enhancement, right Clarke?”

Clarke feels her spine stiffen. This is getting too close to what they last discussed here in another room in this building three years ago.

Clarke swallows before replying a simple, “Yes.”

Kane smiles as if unaware of all that his words have brought back. “And I imagine that the knowledge you’ve gained in your previous profession isn’t something easily forgotten?”

“No.”

Kane seems to be satisfied with her answer. “Good. In that case, everything seems to be in order for your new assignment.”

“Excuse me, new assignment?”

“You are being assigned to our newest robo sapiens as her doctor.”

“What?” Kane patiently repeats himself, which didn’t help in making it any clearer to Clarke. He could repeat it twenty times and it probably still wouldn’t make any sense.

“Robo sapiens? Doctor? What does that mean?”

“She’s the biggest breakthrough of our Robotics department, of all our entire STEM departments combined. The first synthetic creature designed to evolve like humans—within limits, of course.”

“An evolving robot? To what end? Why do we need an evolving robot?”

“We’ll be sending her on the next space mission for ground analysis. As of yet, we don’t have sufficient data as to the conditions in the new planet. We would need a robot who can adapt to its surroundings to give us an accurate reading.”

“So that’s it? This one’s just for the next mission?”

“Let’s just say that the robo sapiens represents a significant, ah, investment. We will program her afterwards to help us make objective decisions regarding our new home. She will have access to the vast stores of knowledge we have accumulated throughout time.”

“Frankly, that sounds like a terrible idea. Who’s to say that robot won’t bring on an AI apocalypse?”

“We have safeguards in place.” Kane pauses. “We’re in the process of programming her to be humane.”

“Isn’t that contradictory?” At Kane’s questioning look, Clarke continues. “You want that robot to make objective decisions in the future and yet you’re also programming it to be humane.”

Kane frowns in confusion. “I see no contradiction.”

Clarke closes her eyes and mutters under her breath. “Of course you don’t.”

“The robo sapiens isn’t just any other computer or robot we have made thus far. In time, she will be making planet-sized decisions in our stead…” Kane adds tiredly, “…seeing how we humans are terrible at it.”

For that moment, Clarke sees the man who had earnestly campaigned to bring about changes in Arkadia for more humane living. The man Kane was before he too was swallowed up by the system. But just as quickly that moment passed and Kane repeats, “And this is why you’re being assigned as her doctor.”

Clarke feels they’re just going around in circles. “What does the robot need a doctor for? And why a _doctor_? It’s not human, is it?”

“No, she’s not. However, we want you to perform check-ups on her as you would with any of your patients. Though she has passed the standard assessments, we want to be perfectly sure she is ready for the next space mission.”

“Kane, again, I know nothing about robots.”

“And again, she isn’t like any of our previous robots.” Kane sighs. “I think meeting her will help you understand that.”

Clarke shakes her head. “No thanks, Kane.” She stands up to leave. “Ask Raven or Monty.”

“Clarke,” says Kane, a hint of warning in his voice but Clarke starts walking towards the door. Then apropos of nothing, he says in a low voice, “We know you’re still using the Prime Project.”

Clarke stops in her tracks. She whirls around, her mouth open in shock, her eyes frantic. “ _We?_ Who’s ‘we’?”

“Not Abby,” assures Kane, but it does little to quell the panic rising inside Clarke.

Chest heaving with fury and outrage, Clarke bites out. “Is this blackmail? Are you blackmailing me?”

Guilt flashes over Kane’s eyes. He softens. “Just think of this as a mutually beneficial agreement. You become a doctor to the robo sapiens and we let you keep the Farm and everything in it for free, for as long as you decide to keep it.”

The deal isn’t actually half-bad, whispers the rational voice in Clarke’s head. But Clarke is still busy reining in her emotions to really pay attention to it. She squeezes her eyes shut. “Why me?” she asks again. She opens her eyes to look at Kane. “Just tell me the truth, Kane.”

Kane holds her gaze for a full minute before looking away and sighing. “She asked for you.”

“What?”

“The robo sapiens asked for you specifically to be her doctor.” At Clarke’s stunned silence, he sighs again. “Just meet with her, all right?”

*

Clarke has been sitting on the sofa for an hour now, the day’s events still rattling in her mind. She wishes she can speak to someone to help her mesh things out. Her first instinct was to talk to her dad but after that meeting with Kane, she has been terrified to do so. She thinks of Raven and her brilliant mind; she would surely be able to make sense of all this. But Kane was also very clear that only those with top-level clearance can know about this project.

Not for the first time Clarke feels cut off and so alone.

*

The long, very thorough security checks that Clarke had to go through didn’t lessen the feelings of dread and trepidation swirling in her gut. If anything, they only magnified them so much so that when Clarke was faced before the door to the Robotics department, it was all she could do not to throw up.

She waits patiently for her escort. Kane said it will be the lab assistant of the department chief who will brief her on her assignment.

Hopefully it would be more substantial than what Kane gave.

And hopefully, it would also involve less blackmailing.

“Clarke Griffin.”

Clarke jolts in surprise. She turns around to see a tall woman with sharp cheekbones and a stern expression giving her a once-over.

“Well aren’t you jumpy.” Even in her frazzled state, Clarke detects a healthy amount of disdain in the woman’s voice. Not off to a good start.

“You must be Dr. Anya Adams.” Clarke holds out her hand. Anya merely looks at it before inputting the access code to the door’s keypad. Clarke drops her hand. Definitely not off to a good start.

The door slides open with a whoosh.

“Follow me.”

Clarke meekly follows Anya towards the snaking corridors. There were numerous doors and chambers, some empty, some filled with people in lab coats but all containing some piece of machinery or another. They went through a couple more closed doors which Anya opened with her codes.

Finally they come to a stop before a door that seems to be more secured than any they have come through before. Clarke was expecting Anya to open the door without much preamble so she was unprepared when Anya turns to her instead.

“On the other side is the robo sapiens. Everything that happens beyond this door will be closely monitored.”

Anya turns back to the door to open it when Clarke remembers herself. “Wait, that’s it? That’s the brief? What am I supposed to do in there?”

Anya looks irritated for a moment before smoothing her face into a bored expression. “You’ll know.” She punches in her codes. “Or she’ll tell you.”

Before Clarke can ask her what she means, the door opens to a brightly-lit room.

Clarke blinks at the sudden brightness. It takes her a few moments before her eyes adjusted to the light. The room didn’t look much different from the ones they’ve passed by on the way, with the screens on the walls and machines scattered around the room. The only remarkable difference is the presence of a bed in the middle of it, and the presence of a figure on that bed.

Clarke honestly didn’t know what she was expecting but good god, she didn’t expect a drop-dead gorgeous woman to be looking back at her. A part of her brain tries to make sense of what she’s seeing so she belatedly realizes that this is the robo sapiens. The artificial creature designed to carry the weight of mankind’s survival on its—on _her_ shoulders. But mainly Clarke’s brain is shorting itself at the sight before her.

Clarke didn’t want to know how long she has been staring with her mouth open but one look at Anya’s amused smirk told her it was long enough.

“Anya, good morning,” the robo sapiens greets amiably. Her voice was low and strangely soothing.

Anya just grunts in response. “Here’s the package you requested.”

“Dr. Griffin, good morning.”

Clarke flinches. “Don’t call me that.” At Anya’s frown and the robo sapiens’ curious expression, Clarke softens her tone. “Just Clarke is fine.”

The robo sapiens nods. “Good morning, Clarke.”

“I’ve done my part. I’ll be coming back again in an hour.” Without even waiting for a response, Anya strides out of the room, leaving Clarke alone with the robo sapiens.

Scrambling for something to say, Clarke blurts out, “So you’re the one who had me assigned here.”

The robo sapiens nods. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“I was impressed by your file.”

“What file?”

“The file that contains all records from your birth to your education and subsequent employment.”

Clarke can feel panic starting to rise but manages tamp it down. As long as the robo sapiens doesn’t mention it, Clarke is still okay. She tries to lead the conversation somewhere else, somewhere safe.

“Are you the robo sapiens?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have a name?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“Lexa.”

*

In that hour, Clarke learns that Lexa is made of a tough polymer meta-material that is also capable of pliability and flexibility. Lexa has an articulated titanium skeleton and fiber-optic neural highway. Her brain is a structured gel capable of arranging and re-arranging in a molecular level to accommodate holding memories and shifting thoughts.

“Amazing,” Clarke says despite herself, looking at Lexa’s blueprints on-screen. She says blueprints but they can easily be x-ray results. “Your structure is similar to a human being.” She shakes her head. “We finally achieved the ability to create the most advanced piece of machinery and we create one in our own flawed image.”

Clarke quickly shuts her mouth. She eyes the corners of the room where the security cameras are placed.

“You can only create what you know.”

For the second time that day, Clarke jolts in surprise. She turns to Lexa who just looks at her, a neutral expression on her face.

“You can touch me, Clarke. You are my doctor, after all.”

Clarke hesitates only for a moment before walking over to the bed. Her hand hovers over Lexa’s arm before she finally presses down.

“Your skin—what—”

“My polymer skin is capable of heating and cooling, just like a human skin.”

“Why would you need that, though?”

“Humans have a tendency to discriminate those who are different from them. I am meant to be integrated with humanity. Therefore, I was designed to resemble humans closely.”

Clarke can’t help but let out a chuckle. “Yeah well, your manner of speaking needs some work too,” she says dryly.

Lexa nods. “Anya tells me I will learn faster the more I speak with people.”

“Are you speaking with many people then?”

“As of now, just you and Anya and Titus.”

Clarke takes a moment to recall who Titus. Oh, the Robotics Department Chief. She has seen him on-screen before, being interviewed for some new bot or the other, and on the brief Kane forwarded to her last night.

And as if on cue, the door opens and in comes the man himself, with Anya close behind him.

“I think this is enough for the day, Lexa. Dr. Griffin.”

“It’s Clarke,” Clarke says instinctively.

Titus just gives her a cold look. Clarke stands her ground and holds his gaze.

“See you on Friday then, Clarke,” Anya steps in, breaking the moment. “Same time.”

Clarke nods. She turns to Lexa. “Goodbye, Lexa.”

“Goodbye, Clarke.”

*

Lexa is warm to touch.

Clarke still finds herself surprised every time she touches Lexa to check on her vitals.

Clarke’s initial apprehension about being assigned as doctor to a robo sapiens was quickly allayed as she finds out that there really isn't much of a difference in what she used to do and what she does now. Since Lexa’s structure was designed to mimic the human body, Clarke was able to easily transpose her medical knowledge.

Sure, she had to make some adjustments on what she should be paying attention to, learn a bit of the technical specs, etc. but overall it really wasn’t much of a leap. Then again, she used to fix people.

Now she’s fixing a robo sapiens.

*

In the course of a few sessions, Clarke has learned that she can speak with Lexa and ask her about things like she would with a human patient. If Clarke has crossed a line and asked something she shouldn’t, Lexa would just tell her that she’s not authorized to answer the question.

The first time it happened, Clarke’s heart pounded in her chest and she wonders if she’ll be arrested and carted off to prison. But the session continued and ended without any interruption.

Afterwards, as Anya escorted her out of the compound, she told Clarke to stay on safe topics.

*

Safe topics like did Lexa choose her name herself, or was it given to her?

“I chose it myself.”

“Why?”

“Because I like the sound of it.”

Clarke chuckles. “Fair enough.” She notes down the changes in Lexa’s stats as she adapts to the installation of synthetic muscles. “You can tell a lot by names.”

“What do you mean, Clarke?”

“Like for example, the space mission to the new planet. They named the shuttles and the subsequent missions Columbus, after the Italian navigator who discovered the New World.” Then, the thoughts that had been bubbling up inside her come forth and she adds, “I say discovered but rather he paved way to the massacre of the natives and the plunder of their land.”

She pauses and wonders if she had veered off the safe topics. But Lexa doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, she seems to be digesting Clarke’s words.

“You think the new planet will share the same fate.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Clarke looks at Lexa then asks dryly, “But you will be there to keep us from making the same mistakes, won’t you?”

“I am programmed to ensure humanity’s survival.”

“Your name Lexa, it comes from Alexander the Great, isn’t it? He’s the King of Macedonia who conquered Greece, Egypt and Persia.” Clarke pauses and looks at Lexa straight in the eye. “Tell me, Lexa, are you going to be the new conqueror of the new world?”

Lexa holds her gaze. “I understand your distrust, Clarke. But I am also programmed to respect human sovereignty and free will.”

“Then you have a very difficult task ahead of you.”

Lexa tilts her head, her brows drawn together in a confused frown. “You are very confusing, Clarke. I cannot tell what you are really thinking.”

“No surprise there, Lexa. My head has been a wilderness for years. Even I don’t know what I’m really thinking sometimes.”

“Is that what it is to be human?”

Clarke shrugs. “Sometimes.”

Lexa nods. The hour is nearly up. Clarke begins to gather her things.

“You are wrong, Clarke.”

Clarke looks up. “What?”

“I did not name myself after Alexander the Great. I named myself after the city Alexandria.” Lexa smiles. “I am the found land.”

Clarke finds herself stymied for words at the sight of Lexa’s smile, the first time she has ever seen it. The sight has her in a daze so much that it is only when she has left the compound that the rest of Lexa’s words register.

 _“Between the two of us, Clarke,_ you _are the explorer.”_

*

That night, Clarke dreams of gentle smiles and earnest green eyes and the promise of a new world.

*

So far, Clarke has been careful to keep her personal details from seeping into her conversations with Lexa. But on one session, they started talking about the last space mission and Clarke slips.

“My friends were on Columbus 2.0. Raven actually worked on the shuttle that took them. She also worked on the one that’s going to take you.”

“Friends are people who are dear to you.”

“Yes, they can also be like family, especially when you don’t have one anymore.”

“But you still have a family, your mother—”

“We don’t speak anymore,” Clarke cuts in brusquely.

Lexa takes the hint and drops it. “Do you have many friends, Clarke?”

Grateful at the reprieve, Clarke answers, “A couple. I haven’t seen them in a while.”

“Why not?”

“Well, O’s at the Le Guin Pass and Rae’s busy with the preparations for Columbus 3.0.”

“How about the others?”

Clarke shrugs. “I don’t know. I just… it’s been just weird. Can’t bring myself to hang out with them anymore.”

“But you still care about them?”

“Of course.”

“Life is short, Clarke, and we should hold the people who are dear to us close.”

Clarke laughs. “Have you been reading advice columns?”

“Yes. They are very insightful.”

“Shouldn’t you be reading up on politics and economics and history instead?”

“I have read those too. Titus has been giving me a reading list.” Lexa pauses. “But I like reading about humans and their personal problems better. I like learning about humanity in that way.” She looks at Clarke. “Which is why I like speaking with you, Clarke.”

Despite herself, Clarke blushes. “You don’t have a limbic system; you can’t ‘like’ something.”

“But I do. Maybe I am evolving.”

Kane’s words echo in her head. “Within limits.”

“Within limits.”

*

On their tenth session, Clarke discovers that Lexa is solar-powered.

“That makes perfect sense as to why you’re warm to touch.”

Lexa nods. “Once a week, they take me to the sun room.”

“You’re just like Superman then,” Clarke chuckles to herself.

She looks up just in time to catch realization dawning on Lexa at the reference. For that moment, Clarke forgets that it was merely Lexa accessing the database through her neural connection, that it was not her remembering a movie she perhaps watched while in the air shuttle, or maybe a comic book she had read when she was younger.

For that moment, Clarke forgets that Lexa is not human.

“Fictional superhero created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster in 1933.” A thoughtful look crosses Lexa’s face. “Before he became the alien from Krypton, an earlier treatment with Russell Keaton had him as the child of the last surviving man in an apocalyptic Earth. He is sent back in time to 1935 where he is adopted by the Kents who taught him to use his powers for good.” Lexa smiles. “But I assume you were referring to the Kryptonian version of him.”

Clarke likes it when Lexa smiles since she always seems to be so serious. Not for the first time Clarke wonders if Titus and Anya really speak with Lexa or if they just make perfunctory conversations. The thought makes her a little sad.

Especially since Lexa has such a lovely smile, all the more made precious by how rarely she gives it.

And Clarke can’t help but be caught up with it. How it makes Lexa look younger than the twenty-four years that she was designed to appear as. How the world seems to dim a little in comparison to it.

How it feels like it is especially for Clarke and Clarke alone.

“Clarke?”

Shaking herself out of her reverie, Clarke pretends to examine the graphs on her tablet. She clears her throat before speaking, “I think we need to double-check your neural links.”

Lexa says nothing but Clarke can feel her eyes on her. Clarke’s cheeks are heating up in a blush and she discreetly tries to control her breathing, in the hopes that it would help dissipate this absurd reaction she was having to being looked at by a robo sapiens. But she also knows how futile it is, that Lexa can definitely see the changes in her vitals, hell she is probably also checking her blood levels, body temperature and heart rate right now.

But thankfully, Lexa doesn’t say anything and was content to lie back as Clarke ran the tests.

As Clarke leaves the room an hour later, her cheeks are still flushed and her fingertips tingling where they were pressed against Lexa’s skin.

*

“Is this a Turing test?”

Anya seems surprised that Clarke broke the silence in their usual quiet walk from Lexa’s room to the exit. “You already know she’s a machine, she even showed you how she works on your very first meeting.”

Clarke feels her face heat up in embarrassment. It was a stupid question, she knows, but one that was just rearing to get out of her, especially after the last session.

Anya pauses in her steps to regard Clarke. “Or are you starting to forget that she is?”

Clarke can’t seem to meet Anya’s eyes. She works her jaw before gritting out, “That’s not an answer.”

“This is not a Turing test, Clarke.” Anya seems to be debating whether to continue. But something in Clarke’s expression must have tipped the choice for her. “We have no intention of hiding what she is to the public when she is presented a month from now.”

“What presentation?”

“Columbus 3.0 will be launching next month and Lexa will be on it.” Anya glances at the empty corridor. “We are not playing with you, Clarke. _She_ is definitely not playing with you.”

“How do I know if that’s true?”

“You don’t,” says Anya as she starts walking.

*

“Good morning, Clarke.”

“Good morning, Lexa.”

“You look tired. Have you been sleeping well?”

“Not quite.” Clarke gives a wan smile. “Too many thoughts in my head.”

“Can I help in any way?”

“No, Lexa.”

‘No,’ Clarke thinks, ‘because all these thoughts are of you.’

*

For the first time since that meeting with Kane, Clarke talks to her dad.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

Clarke just sits there across from him. “I just missed you, that’s all.”

“I missed you too.”

Jake seems content to let the silence stand between them but Clarke has spent too long without hearing his voice to let it last long.

“Dad, how do I know what’s real?”

“What do you mean?”

But Clarke just shakes her head, at a loss on how to explain the predicament she’s in. The irony doesn’t escape her, her question and to whom she is posing it. But she has never confused things before, not in this way. Here when she talks with her dad, she knows who it is she’s talking to—what he is.

But when it’s Lexa, it’s different.

“You just need to trust your gut feeling, darling.”

Clarke jolts out of her thoughts. “My gut?”

“Sometimes our brains get caught up with all this information, all this stimuli that we fail to recognize intellectually if something’s really wrong. But our gut, apart from being an organ of digestion, is a warning system all on its own, designed by nature to help us survive. It’s something primal, instinctive. And when your gut tells you something is off then chances are something really is.”

Clarke is silent, letting his words steep.

“What does your gut tell you?” Jake asks gently.

Clarke feels her eyes burn. “That she’s real.”

*

“Good morning, Clarke.”

“Good morning, Lexa.”

“Have you been sleeping well?”

“Better than the last time you asked.”

“That’s good. I was worried about you.”

Clarke stops short. “You were worried?”

“Yes.”

Clarke frowns. “But you’re a machine, Lexa. You can’t feel things. You can’t possibly worry.”

“But I did worry, Clarke. You have not been sleeping well and I worried that you would fall ill.”

“But that’s impossible.”

“It is,” says Lexa simply.

*

Later as Anya escorts her out of the compound, Clarke can’t help but ask, “Anya, it’s not possible for Lexa to feel, is it?”

“She was designed to evolve.”

Clarke wants to argue that it wasn’t an answer but one look at the frown in Anya’s face tells Clarke that maybe Anya doesn’t have the answer as well. She tries for a different question.

“What good is it for a robot to feel?”

“Better than for it not to feel anything.” At Clarke’s surprised look, Anya sighs. “Trust me, Clarke. This isn’t our first rodeo. What Lexa is now is better than we had ever hoped for.”

*

Their fifteenth session was very eventful.

Lexa has been cleared to take walks in the garden at the heart of the compound and she had asked Clarke to walk with her.

Which didn’t sit well with Titus who objected at the idea on the ground that they won’t be able to monitor their conversations.

To Clarke’s surprise, Anya came to their defense, stating that fourteen sessions and their exhaustive background checks have been more than enough to prove that Clarke won’t be stealing Lexa away anytime soon or corrupt her in any way. Besides the garden was surrounded and the doors are guarded.

It took up nearly a quarter of an hour before Titus was pacified and Clarke and Lexa were allowed to have their walk.

“This is a lovely garden,” says Lexa. “But I imagine your Farm is far lovelier.”

“Yes. Everything there is alive, wild and untamed. I think you would love the animals.” Then, Clarke blurts out, “Why did you really choose me, Lexa?”

Without breaking her stride, Lexa replies, “Because I think you are the one best suited to teach me about humanity.”

Clarke shakes her head. “I’m really not.” She takes a sharp intake of breath. “If you knew what I did, you wouldn’t think that.”

“But I know what you did, Clarke.” Clarke stiffens. “I know about Mount Weather.”

Clarke’s eyes flutter shut. “Of course. Of course you know.” She opens her eyes and tilts her head up to the sky. She is silent for a moment. It is only in the knowledge that nobody else can hear what she’s about to say that she says the following words. “Then you know I killed all those people.”

“And you saved the rest from contracting the disease that could have wiped out a quarter of the population in Arkadia.”

“I knew those patients, Lexa. I was their doctor. They trusted me with their lives and I killed them.”

Clarke didn’t realize she was clenching her fists until Lexa reached over to unfurl one. Clarke’s hand twitched at the contact but she eventually finds herself seeking it, seeking the warmth Lexa provides.

“You did what you had to do.”

“That’s what my mom told me but she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t have to live with those voices screaming in her head.”

“You haven’t spoken with her since.”

“How could I? She entrusted me with that facility. She was so proud of me but look at what I had done instead.” Clarke laughs mirthlessly. “The only reason I’m not in prison is because of her and because Jaha is a family friend and that they managed to spin that incident into a terror attack by the Grounders.”

Lexa is silent and Clarke is grateful for it.

“For months after that, I could barely sleep. I had to take all these pills just so I could press pause on all these images playing inside my head of people dying, of those people dying.” She chokes back a sob. “I could barely function—I couldn’t be a doctor anymore after what I’d done.” Clarke swallows the lump in her throat. “And that’s how I ended up in Enhancement, a watered-down version of what I used to do with no risk of me killing anyone else anymore.”

Clarke doesn’t say anything else for a minute, but the weight of the secrets she had been carrying all this time suddenly became too much to bear and she ached to share it. So she continues.

“It was around that time that I started using the Prime Project. I didn’t want to do it, it seemed like a sacrilegious thing to do, but I needed to talk to someone, and he, he always knew what to say, how to make things better. ”She shakes her head. “Mom doesn’t know, I can’t imagine how she’d react if she knew.” She chokes back another sob. “I was messed-up, I still am messed-up.”

When she has composed herself, Clarke asks, “Still think I’m your best bet to learning more about humanity?”

Lexa is unequivocal in her reply. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you know the value of human life.”

*

They spend the rest of the walk in silence, with their hands entwined.

*

As Clarke parts ways with Lexa, she feels the weight that she has been carrying in her chest lighten a bit. She feels like she should say something but just couldn’t find the words. Lexa just smiles at her like she understands.

Maybe nothing more needs to be said.

*

Clarke dreams of touching her perfect cheekbones and her straight nose and her full lips, she dreams of kissing her—

*

Clarke wakes up with a start, her heart pounding in her chest. She covers her face with her hands.

“Fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come cry with me on tumblr (@turtleduckie)


End file.
